I woke up with a fever this morning. This is day 7 of sick. Horrible. I have to sleep sitting up because when I lie down I start coughing. I have missed the one day of Spring we’ll ever have. All I do is sleep, cough and watch bad television.

I started watching that show WORK OUT with Jackie Warner. Did you read the article in the Times last week about her and how all these Middle American housewives would be gay with her? I did and naturally, I had to watch it so I could see if I would be gay with her, too. And I have to say, I’m as unimpressed with Middle America and their gay choices as I am with their straight ones.

I would not be gay with Jackie Warner. I’d be gay with Rebecca, but not for very long. Maybe like 3 minutes. Maybe not even 3 minutes. Maybe I’d be theoretically gay with Rebecca for 3 minutes. I’d never be theoretically gay with Jackie Warner. Quite honestly, I wouldn’t even want her as my trainer, but I do want her on my television. I’m really into this show for some odd reason I can’t really explain. I find Jackie off-putting, immature and insanely selfish. She’s a tall, taut skim of narcissism. I actually find her quite nasty and ladies, that ain’t hot. So, Middle America, why is it that you’d be gay with Jackie Warner? Explain because I truly don’t get it.

Jackie Warner


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