Sleeping with Greg Laswell


I took L with me to check out Jenny Owen Youngs at the Bell House last Friday. After the show her manager brought me to the merch table to meet her. She was lovely and exuberant and gave me a hug. Minutes later I spotted an alternative apparel burn out shirt (same ones I use for Happy Ending), but in white and with the name Greg Laswell silk screened across the breast. I had to have it. I didn’t know who Greg Laswell was, but I needed to sleep in that shirt every single night for the rest of my life. So I bought it. Minutes later, he came to the table, we were introduced, he handed me a free cd and off he went. Well, I actually listened to the cd and then I listened to it again and again and I can’t really stop. He’s truly, quite amazing. I might be late coming to the Greg Laswell game, but damn, I’m glad I got here. And the shirt, well — I’ve been sleeping with Greg Laswell every night for a week.

Below is a cover (and you know what a fan of covers I am) of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

And here’s, “How the Day Sounds.”

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2 Replies to “Sleeping with Greg Laswell”

  1. Did you know that there's a, "One-Hit Wonders Museum" in Sacramento? Craig and Megan do b/c they gassed up the Winnebago and drove up there for the weekend. So while they're waiting on a line for the Banarama Listening Booth and attending the Q&A with the roadie for Mr. Mister…I haveth the Ferguson house to myself. Here's what I've found out so far. Megan has a huge collection of vintage Diane von Furstenberg wrap-dresses…a couple of which really make my ass look big. She also wears Vans with tube socks! Craig on the other hand has row after row of Armani suits size 42. I took a few and Federal Expressed them to myself just in case I need to prove to you that I really was here. Their eating habits are for shit. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? Egg Beaters? I can't believe they eat egg beaters! Tons of Lean Cuisine, SunnyD and beets. Weird! Alrighty, let's get to your specific queries.

    Sorry, there are no posters of clowns clutching balloons. There is a clown print but he's sharing a needle with a crack whore. Kind of the same thing, no? Megan does have a secret drawer of self-help books! How did you know? The titles are most telling. "How To Marry A Late-Night Talk Show Host," "How To Spend A Late-Night Talk Show Hosts' Money." "How To Get Knocked-Up By A Late-Night Talk Show Host." They're all in that vein. There wasn't a copy of, "Co-Dependency No More." They have a sunken bathtub but it's in the garage and I think they use it to bathe the dogs. No scented balls but remind me later to tell you a funny joke I know about "scented balls."

    "Go into their bedroom?" I'm sleeping in their bed, sister! Now I'm no expert on sheets and theirs have no tag on them but I'm guessing: Wamsuta, 300 thread count, Sateen, 60% cotton/40% polyester, 15 inch pocket sheets…the kind you can get for $15 on Fulton Mall. They do have a humidifier. I filled with with Grape Flavored Tang! No candy wrappers in Craig's nightstand but there was a copy of the Bible. I took a look through it and he added four or five commandments. I scoured the house and found no Lunestra or Ambien. I did find a bottle of Flinstones Chewables which probably won't put you to sleep but will definitely make your pee rainbow colored. I'll mail them when I get a chance.

    And I've saved the best for last. I was flipping their lumpy mattress and found Megan's journal. Reading someones deepest, darkest innermost thoughts (me) then transcribing them for someone else (you) guarantees both parties a express train to Hell. I refuse to go to Hell alone, Amanda! So: read the journals…yay or nay? While I await your reply I'm gonna: re-grout the tile in the guest bathroom, alphabetize the canned soups in the pantry, then take a swim.

  2. Wrap the journal with Diane von Furstenberg dresses and put them in your bag.

    Also, don’t use all the grape flavored tang. I feel a cold coming on and I’ve heard…well, never mind. Just don’t use it all, that’s it.

    Keep me appraised of your next step.

    And if you happen to make it to Affliction Night on Feb 4, don’t be surprised to see Mr. Ferguson featured and some of the best comments addressing my affliction read aloud.

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