My uncensored thoughts on the Oscars.

1. Demi Moore – best dress.
2. I begrudgingly found myself liking Sandra Bullock.
3. Let’s toss her husband in there for good measure. I think that guy is one solid dude.
4. George Clooney’s girlfriend? Bad news. That girl is trouble. Also, that dress made her boobs look pointy.
5. I would like to produce the dead people montage next year. These people keep fucking it up. Nice touch with James Taylor, but keep the focus on the images, and please – no split screens or medium shots. Just fill the damn space with one image, hold it and then move to the next. It’s not Dancing with the Stars, people. It’s a slide show. Stop choreographing.
6. No one loved Michael Jackson more than I did, but why exactly was he in the “I see dead people,” montage?
7. I’m sorry you are sad, Jake Gyllenhaal.
8. Kristen Stewart…you do NOT have to agree to speak in public if you don’t want to. You will remain relevant. Don’t let your scary agents tell you otherwise.
8. Hey, James Cameron, you can suck it.
9. If you want to keep things surprising, don’t announce what’s about to happen with your choice of presenter. Ex: having Oprah announce best supporting actress, having Barbra Streisand announce best director. I mean, it’s cute and all, but why give it away before the moment’s arrived?
10. George Clooney cut-aways? If you’re going to set something up, let’s pay it off. I’m still sitting here, waiting for the punch line.
11. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. Keep them.
12. NAY to the obscenely dated Neil Patrick Harris intro.
13. NAY to the gratuitous post-modern interpretive dance number. Unless that was when you were letting everyone go to the bathroom and refill their cups. If that’s the case, then YAY!
14. The John Hughes memorial tribute was very nice, but it was an odd centerpiece, and suspiciously long.
15. Overall: this show needs one voice and it seems to have about twenty. It’s not cohesive or congruous. It felt like an audition of tastes: old guard and new guard trying to make their points at the same time. No worky.


3 responses

  1. jesse james is 'solid'?
    maybe in ways you didn't intend…

    sandra did look great, poor girl…

  2. Amanda Stern Avatar
    Amanda Stern

    I know! I'm worried about myself now. I totally looked at that guy and thought, "Wow, he's totally there for her." Maybe he should have won the Oscar, instead?

  3. relax. i thought the same thing, and i've been married for 25 years…

    seems jesse's the new tuger…who knew…

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