Lodging a Complaint about Death

Hi, is this the bureaucratic agency in charge of death?

I’m wondering if you could space things out a bit more? I’m sure that you’ve worked hard on your pacing but you might want to check the paperwork because you’re taking one right after another and being human, it takes time to acclimate to just one death. For instance, you took Michael Jackson not so long ago. And then, just when you’d gone and successfully knocked us down, you took Farrah Fawcett. It leads one to wonder whether you fell into a case of cockiness. You can’t repeat something like the death of Michael Jackson. You need to accept that taking him was your big coup for the year. It’s time to rest. Let us get used to it and come back later. But no – Ted Kennedy, Griffin Dunne (whoops – I mean Dominick. Thanks, MM for the catch!), John Hughes, Jim Carroll, DJ AM, Patrick Swayze, Mary Travers, and you know what? I’m probably missing people! Enough! Just calm the fuck down. We know you exist. We’re very aware of you. You don’t need to keep proving your importance. We understand you have self-esteem issues and we validate you, but you’re really wearing us down. You need to just step back, accept that you’ve been heard and come back later. Clear?


2 responses

  1. Michael Meagher Avatar
    Michael Meagher

    Griffin Dunne?

  2. Ed McMahon!

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