For the last time.

I will not belabor this point, as I’ve never brought it up publicly before, so I say it now, just once, and I will never say it again. The series is Happy Ending, not Happy Endings. It is not plural. There may be multiple happy endings that occur in the course of one event, but the event itself purports to offer just one happy ending. Just one. It is a small thing, but after five years, this one small thing has grown into an enormous pet peeve. So, that’s all — just one ending of happy.

I gave my niece a Beatles record (she’s obsessed with George Harrison) for Jewikwanzahannumas. She’s 8 and she learned, a week earlier, what a record is. So she looked at the record, perplexed and I asked, “Don’t you have a record player?” and she answered, “No.” So I said, “Too bad. I thought you did. Well, you can hang it on your wall. That’s cool, too.” And being the cool kid she is, she said, “Yeah, that’s cool, too.” Then I handed her my next present and after opening it, she stared at the picture on the box, totally confused. “What is this?” Then she scanned the box for words and slowly read aloud, “Record player.” Then we hooked it up and danced around to “Love me Do.”

And to my anonymous commenter, I did not post your long private comment, but I received it. Roger that.



2 responses

  1. Anonymous Avatar

    Ooh, that drives me crazy as well. You could (rightly) blame the Brits for this one; they pluralize firm names. Morgan Stanley becomes “Morgans”. Who is the other Morgan? Was Stanley an indentured servant of J.P. Morgan (hence the possessive)?

    Of course, when you expand your empire globally, you will have to follow local conventions, and the London reading series may rightly be pluralized…

  2. Anonymous Avatar

    Thank you for opting not to post my anonymous comment. I certainly don’t need people laughing and pointing at me when I walk down the street. Well, let’s say more people laughing and pointing than already do so.

    I loved reading about the two gifts you gave your niece. You made one incredible memory for her. And one for you, too, I suspect.

    After I read what you did for her I went back and listened to a very spirited, bootleg, nine song, George Harrison concert in Japan circa 1987 I have. According to the friend who gave it to me, only 10 other people in the world actually have this. If you perhaps are in fact one of those 10 people, I apologize in advance for the redundancy. Either way I burned it and mailed it to you in care of Joe’s Pub. I just had a feeling you might enjoy it.

    Have a Happy New Year! I hope you get everything you want in 2009 and maybe even one thing you never even knew you wanted.

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