Thank you, anonymous, for the Flintstones. I’m assuming it was you, but please let me know if I am mistaken, and a different anonymous person gave the stage manager at Joe’s Pub vitamins to pass along to me. Though, that is doubtful. She refused to tell me who they came from. Two people, she said. Which two people, I asked. I can’t tell you, I promised. Obviously, we had to fire her. I can’t abide by such a strong moral compass. I actually ate the Flintstones during the next show and gave some to friends, who, when I told them who gave them to me, worried they were laced with poison. I suppose I’m writing now to tell you that we did not die and to thank you for not trying to kill us. I am still sick, though, so next time, please leave antibiotics. You know what else is good? Advil Cold and Sinus. That stuff is amazing. Zinc lozenges work, too. Oh, and also Adderall if you can get your hands on it, because I have so much work to do. But, Adderall keeps you up, right? So maybe toss in a small package of Lunesta or Ambien?

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Amanda Stern The Little Panic Blog

2 Replies

  1. Wait! You mean I’ve been crafting: witty, funny, charming, absurdist comments for your entertainment and amusement and some other schmuck waltzes into your show with a bottle of Flintstones Vitamins and gets all the credit? Not fair! I guess the rest of the story is: you immediately fell in love with him and you two kids will soon marry. Again, not fair!

    Great show! How beautiful was that song? You’re welcome for not trying to kill you with tainted vitamins. If memory serves you mentioned at the show that you didn’t wake up dead with your house guest. Do you have a fear of being killed? Is this what keeps you up at night?

    I’ve decided that after I break-up Craig and Megan I’m going to do something even better for you…I’m going to enroll in Psychopharmacology School. Then you can have all the Lunestra and Ambien you want.

    Feel better!

  2. Before enrolling in pharmacology school, you should know that it’s Lunesta and not Lunestra. The kids will make fun of you for that. And for your lunchbox, but we can discuss that another time.

    Glad you liked the show. And yes, the song was so beautiful. I really did choke up.

    And yes I have a fear of being killed, so please don’t kill me! I also have a fear of being kidnapped. So please don’t kidnap me! I also have a fear of cockroaches, so please don’t cockroach me.

    It is time now in this game for a clue to your identity.

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