Actually, it’s One Word Celebrity Answers, but I don’t like the ring as much, so I’ll sacrifice precision for taste.

EVAN HANDLER

1) Describe your childhood.

Distant

2) In the beginning, there was…

Everything

3) The subway stalls and the announcer says “Due to an investigation at 34th Street the C will be running on the F line.” What’s the investigation?

Fucked

4) That recurring dream you have. What’s it about?

Death

5) Of all the characters, women included, on the television show, “In Treatment,” whom do you most identify with?

Huh?

5.5) Why?

Unfamiliarity

6) You can only wear dance shoes for the rest of your life. But you have a choice of dance genres. Which genre do you choose?

Swing

7) Do you know your four letter personality type based on the Myers-Briggs personality inventory? Mine are: INFP. What are yours?

EVAN

8) How old is your oldest friend?

Expired

9) Who was your best friend in 6th grade?

Myself

10) When was the last time you two were in communication?

Yesterday

11) What is your favorite condiment?

Sex

12) Invent a word that means disappointment.

Ooffa

13) Tell me the story of your life.

Eventually

14) Why do you think Celine Dion isn’t taken seriously by so many people?

Herself

15) What’s your favorite exclamation?

Dagnabbit!

16) You must give a lecture on something you know nothing about. What topic do you choose?

Satisfaction

17) What color is the word tomorrow?

Transparent

18) You get a call. You’ve been informed that you were improperly named. Evan is going to be expunged from your birth certificate. You’ll need to give them a new name instead. One that you feel suits you better. What do you choose?

Questo

19) When in doubt…

Delay

20) What did you do today?

Arose

21) What’s your middle name?

E_ _ _ _ _ T

Evan‘s new book, IT’S ONLY TEMPORARY: THE GOOD NEWS AND THE BAD NEWS OF BEING ALIVE (Riverhead), is a collection of funny, off-beat, and poignant autobiographical essays about incurable illness, ever-elusive love and hard won happiness. It’s out now.

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